If there's anyone that actually read and followed the blog, my apologies. It's been a very rough week.
Although my goal is to realize what is truly needed and wanted as far as material objects and getting rid of things, this week showed a bit more of the wants and needs for the heart and soul.
As far as giving anything away, I've made 3 donations for friends this week, amongst having a trade day with a friend to have her take what I didn't want and see what she had that I could use.
The want and need for the heart this week was being able to see an old friend, back on stage, singing in memory of a deep loss for us both. We both wanted and needed comfort. And I dont think he has ever put more heart in his music. He and his wife were a great need and want to the point I just didn't want the night to end and let them go. No material object can create that.
I also put what I could into getting myself together to get a custom order of soaps and salves done for the woman in town who loves my products and they help her skin conditions. I needed to help someone. I wanted to help someone. And this lovely woman got one hell of an awesome homemade natural basket full with all my emotions.
On Valentines Day I know I needed to get myself together. Getting the tattoo the day before was a big help. I had too many ideas and none at all simutaneously but needed and wanted to get it done. Many people think of tattooing as a randon body marking. For those of us that take it seriously, its a way to follow old traditions, mark your life, and with pain, bleed it out to make a scar that will last forever a bit easier to look at and remember. Everyone has scars from their life. I mark mine to put them out in the open, make the horrible beautiful, and wear my scars on the outside. It may seem odd or not your style, and thats fine, its not for everyone. But as I said, those of us who take it seriously consider it a very holy ritual. I was not able to have a piece of cloth ripped for my friend, and I can't picture life without him in it so I ripped my skin and put him right where it belongs. The artist was an old friend, and mutual of my friend who passed and refused any payment. I took that money and bought yellow roses for his family. I wanted to thank them for all the love I received because of them, and I wanted yellow to not only honor a soldier, but because it is the rose of friendship and honesty.
For my family, I made a special dinner and thanked them foe being by my side and helping me through a time I have felt emptiness and completely alone. I know they're here and I love them more than life. I wanted and needed them to see that.
The pictures are the boys making me smile at the gig, the tattoo, the basket of homemade soaps, a teddy bear whose tag and shirt made me need to buy it (if you know, you know why, look at the tag) and the most important lesson... what you may want and need and can't have. My lost friend holding me about 10 years ago. These times, my most sad, is when he was there. What I want and need can't happen and I have to accept that, I know. I try to think of all the times we laughed or held each other through our troubles. I need to remember I was given a gift, even if so short lived.
With material items, it gets me even more. In the end, all these meaningless trinkets dont matter. All you need is love.
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